He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
