Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
