I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
