i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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