Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
