I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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