I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
3 2 1 whiskey
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
