My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
