Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
