I just cut my nipple shaving
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
