ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
