Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
