I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
