i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
