Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
