I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
