My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
