I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
