As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
