Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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