just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
