WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
