the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We left the knife in your bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
