What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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