Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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