Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
