Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
