she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
