I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
