super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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