Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
