I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
