I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
