I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
