I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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