I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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