I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
