I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
