Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's blow job season.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
