That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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