1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
