I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
