They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
