you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
