she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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