your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
