I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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