I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
