she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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