Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
