I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
