we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
